ghosts on the horizon

2005-11-08T12:42:45+01:00

The last two days I've signed out ill and come home, telling my mother I have the flu or some mystery virus, I'm not sure. She believed me, poor woman. I just can't stand school any longer, the place, the people, I'm tired and if I had stayed there today I would have cracked. I have my bubble and I don't want anyone else to try and interact with me, to draw me out, because I need my bubble, I like it, in a very lonely, silly way.
Everything is heading down the pan, I'm out of control, and god knows I don't have the bloody time to be. I heard the most amazing song this morning, Hope Theres Someone by Anthony and the Johnsons, and when I came home I just lay in the dark, listening on repeat, and cried. Only one song has ever had that effect before, BMFA by M Wainwright, simply because it echoes alll the things I desire to say to one of my creators, but never can, or would.
This is very whiny, I just need a good kick up the bum. My mum has threatened so many times to take me to "see someone" I've started wanting a reason, an explanation for why I feel so black hole-esque all the time. I just told my friend over messenger that I have flu, so that makes me a whiny liar.
I'm not asking to be completely satisfied with what I have because I know that is too unrealistic. Sometimes I think the people tearing across the playground screaming and laughing, always smiling are the ones with issues, or those that say "smile, its not the end of the world". Well actually, yes it fucking is. I'm tired of getting up, putting on my face and greeting people. Perhaps this would change if I started listening to Britney Spears.
Who am I kidding? I am just vain and self-absorbed like everyone else, which is probably why I am writing this in the first place.
This is just a vent. Sorry.

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This is the way the worlds ends

ghosts on the horizon